Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We have started to decorate penises.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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