There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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