I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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