All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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