We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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