Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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