What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Found the puke drawer
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
