As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
