I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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