I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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