walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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