p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
