i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
