no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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