btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
