Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
