Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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