Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
