Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
