she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
