What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
