my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
