If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
