I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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