Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
