we should wear snuggies to the strip club
tonight lets celebrate not being married
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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