please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
