question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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