Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
time to smoke my breakfast
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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