What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
