Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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