Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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