i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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