she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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