I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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