They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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