apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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