Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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