1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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