2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
