these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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