now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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