Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
