just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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