I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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