I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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