Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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