just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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