me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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