Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
