If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
