bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
