The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
